Pizza and Superheroes
by Irony-chan
Summary: Oneshot, fairly pointless, inspired by the second movie: three roommates talk about secret identities and what to order for dinner.


It was dark by the time I got home Saturday night. The lights were on, and my roommates were in the kitchen. I could hear them talking as soon as I opened the door.

"Wait," Lana was saying. "You're not talking about the homeless guy who stands in the subway station, are you? Because I thought he wasn't there anymore."

"No, no," Keesha said, "I'm talking about the little Chinese lady with the violin, outside the theatre. She has the _much_ cooler Spiderman song. Gwen!" she called. "Is that you?"

"Yes." I kicked my shoes into the closet.

"Doesn't the Chinese lady do a better Spiderman song?" she asked.

"What Chinese lady?"

"Outside the theatre," Keesha repeated, exasperated. "The one across the street from the Dragon City Buffet. She does this song... how does it go? It's like, _Spiderman, Spiderman! Does whatever a spider can!_"

"No, I don't think I've heard that one." My hands were still shaking a little as I hung up my coat. "Any dinner left?"

"We were gonna order pizza," said Keesha, "but we knew you'd be late, so we waited. You want chicken taco again?"

"Sure," I said. I dropped my backpack by the door and went into the kitchen. "How did you know I'd be late?"

Keesha dug her cell phone out of her purse, and pointed to the TV as she dialed.

"Huh?" I asked.

"The news." Lana sat down. "The L-train shutdown. It was all over the news."

"Oh." I nodded. "Right. I guess it would be."

"Did they tell you what caused it?" Lana grinned.

"Uh. Well..." I licked my lips.

"The news said," Lana seemed delighted to be the one imparting it, "that Spiderman and Doc Ock were fighting in the train. They _trashed_ it, totally ruined four cars and broke the track in two places! Too bad the news cameras didn't make it in time. All they got was the aftermath. How do they always manage to miss it when superheroes are involved?"

"I dunno," I said. "I guess everything just happens too fast."

"Set the clock!" said Keesha, putting her phone down on the table. "Twenty-nine minutes or we don't pay!"

Lana jumped up to start the old kitchen timer we used to keep track of pizza delivery, and Keesha took a can of soda out of the fridge and opened it.

"You gotta love New York," Keesha said as she sat down. "This must be the only city on Earth where people can say stuff like that and be so casual about it. Hi, Gwen, we put off ordering dinner 'cause Spiderman crashed the L-train! Hope you weren't on it! I gotta email my mom, y'know. She just dies when I tell her about stuff like that. She's convinced Spiderman's an alien. I told her no, no, that's _Superman_, Mom. Super, Spider, big difference."

"I wonder if we'll get the _cute_ pizza guy again," said Lana. "The dark one. What's his name? Did we ever ask?"

"Iqbal," said Keesha.

"Really?" Lana grimaced. "Who the hell names their kid Iqbal?"

"Hey, guys," I said. "Do you ever think about... well, like, superheroes are people, right? They have secret identities and stuff?"

"Well, yeah," said Lana.

"So they could be anybody, right?" I asked. "I mean, Spiderman and Daredevil and all them, they could be any guy on the street. That could be, like, the Flash, delivering our pizza."

"_That's_ how he gets here so fast!" said Keesha.

"No, seriously," I said. "Think about it."

"That's kinda weird," said Lana. "I never really thought too much about it but yeah, these guys with superpowers just walk around looking normal?"

"We'll have to ask him," said Keesha. "Hey, Iqbal, are you the Flash?"

"So what would you do if you..." I thought for a moment. "Okay, say you saw a superhero take his mask off, and you go hey, I know him! Like, just for example, pretend you saw Spiderman with no mask on and you realize that's the guy who sits in front of you in advanced nuclear. What would you think?"

"Me?" asked Keesha. "How about oh my _god_, what a nerd?"

"That was just an example," I said sourly. "What if he's..." I tried to think of something else. "How about the guy who serves you lattes at the bookstore? Really, what would you think?"

"I'd be thinking about that reward the _Daily Bugle_ put out a couple of months ago," said Lana.

"No, no," Keesha interrupted. "Blackmail, babe. The _Daily Bugle_ would be a one-off – blackmail keeps it coming!"

"No!" I insisted. "That's _not_ the kind of think I meant! Not like that, I mean what would you think about..." I shook me head. "You know what? Forget I said anything."

"You okay, Gwen?" asked Lana.

"I'm fine."

"Okay, okay, no need to bite her," said Keesha. "What _did_ you mean, then. What would _you_ do?"

"Well, I sure wouldn't ask _you_ two about it," I replied. "I don't even know, okay? It was a hypothetical situation. Ignore me. I just spent an hour and half waiting for an L-train because Spiderman wrecked it and I can't afford a taxi. I'm just annoyed."

"Yeah, fine," said Keesha. "I guess I would be, too."

The doorbell rang, and she jumped up.

"Pizza! How long was that?"

Lana checked the timer. "Fifteen minutes! Damn, he gets faster every time!"

"He _totally_ must be the Flash." Keesha grinned. "I'll get the door." She ran to look through the peephole. "Nope, no Iqbal, just the blond guy with the zits."

"Darn," said Lana. She looked at me. "That _would_ be weird, y'know? I mean, I wouldn't ever be able to talk to the guy again. I'd be standing there and all of a sudden it would just spurt right out. Nonfat grande chocolate-lover's, no foam, and try not to get any of your web stuff in it."

"Yeah," I said. "And then he'd go all nuts because he'd be afraid you were gonna tell somebody."

"Totally," she agreed. "That's gotta suck, being a superhero. If just _one_ person finds out who you are, you could get thrown in jail for vigilantism."

"Well, y'know, he's _Spiderman_," I said. "He could break out."

"Yeah, but by then it's too late, everybody knows."

"Thanks Dave!" Keesha said to the pizza guy. "Don't worry, we won't tell anybody your secret identity!" She shut the front door. "Let's eat!"

"I don't think I'm too hungry," I said.

"You sure?" asked Lana.

I shook my head. "I'll eat later. I have to finish that stupid assignment. I won't have time between classes tomorrow, and Dr. Connors hates when people are late."

"Why don't you call somebody to help you?" asked Lana. "There's no shame in it, Gwen – Keesha and I help each other with our essays all the time. Why don't you call that guy you were talking about the other day, the one who can do the example problems in his head? _He_ must understand this stuff."

"I... don't think he'd want me to bother him," I said. "Save me some pizza, okay?"

"Sure," said Lana.

I went into my bedroom and shut the door. Through the wood, I could hear Lana ask, "you think she's really okay?"

"I know _I_ wouldn't be okay if I were taking courses with names like advanced nuclear physics," replied Keesha. "Are you doing anything tonight? Because if you haven't heard the little Chinese lady's Spiderman song, you really need to."

"Nothing I can't put off until tomorrow," said Lana. "I wanted to go shopping anyway. Pass the pepperoni."

I leaned on the door and held my head. I was never going to be able to pay attention in advanced nuclear, ever again.


End file.
